Never tell strangers your dreams.

I've been really down on school in the past few weeks. Zero motivation to give a crap... it's a really bad deal. I'm just in the groove: school, homework, work, homework, sleep. I've kinda lost sight of what I'm doing and muddling through in hopes it will be over soon.

That update links to this story, I promise:

A few weeks ago, I had a client on my table who was a couple years older than me and in the same situation as myself. She had been to school but was considering going back if nothing else came about for her. Apparently the first time around she became an x-ray tech, but quit when she had kids and has only been able to find PRN work since. She was talking about how she had only worked one day in the past week, which clearly isn't enough to make a living. Granted, she chose to leave her full time position to stay home but she understood that and didn't regret it at all.

(side note: These jobs in particular are impossible to find. The school pumps out WAY TOO MANY x-ray students every year, and the job market is saturated.)

So now, this girl was thinking about going back to school for teaching. But she was at that point where she couldn't fathom going back AGAIN to change her career AGAIN. I was there once, too. I told her that eventually necessity might win over that dread. That's what happened to me.

She became interested in my story and asked what I was going back for. I told her and before I knew it, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Since it's a field closely related to her own, she wanted to warn me that those jobs weren't readily available either. And that if I had done my research, I'd know the projection for it wasn't great. She cautioned that I should do some research, but wished me well. At the time, I appreciated it. I felt defeated, but I appreciated the honest words.

The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. She didn't mean to upset me-- she truly meant well. I was mad at myself for telling someone I didn't know what was going on in my life, where I was headed, and how I was getting there. It wasn't any of her business, and strangers will never support you in the way that your friends and family will. I was mad that I gave her the opportunity to upset me, even though she had no intention of doing so. And then I obtained clarity: These are all things I had researched before I took the plunge. I felt good about it then, and didn't have any reason to feel bad about it now. She probably thought she was helping. And who knows... maybe her opinions had some truth behind them. But I can't focus on that: I have to focus on what I think is best for me, based on the research I've done and where my life has taken me.

And just in case that wasn't enough, I was talking with a classmate today about her potentially changing her major from nursing to OTA. For old times' sake, I thought it would be nice to do the same research I did before... the same digging that lead me to this decision. Sure enough, I found good news! So yeah, Missouri isn't paid at or above average for the job, but the cost of living is cheaper here. And I'm not going to be greedy about this when I finish school-- I want my life back, and if I'm not making top dollar somewhere because I have sufficient time off, I'll be okay with that. The job is projected to grow way more than the average job in the next few years, giving me hope that there WILL be a job for me when I'm ready for one. All I can be is positive. All this has to be for a reason.

So the moral here is... don't tell complete strangers about your goals and dreams. They don't get it. They don't know what you've been through, and they'll never understand why you're taking the next step. They don't owe you positive statements and encouragement, and the info they give you may or may not be accurate.You might leave with bad thoughts in your head, leaving you to second-guess what you're doing. When you're in as far as me, you don't need to be second-guessing a thing.

It's my own fault, though.

I learned my lesson.

 

Back to my homework. 2.5 more years...