I've been keeping a secret.

I was clearly upset during my last post. I felt misled and very confused about what came next. I needed time to process what had happened the day of the workshop, and what would happen in the case of acceptance as well as rejection.
So imagine my dismay when THREE DAYS after the workshop, I get an email from the program advisor giving me their decision.


You know, I had been told "It wouldn't be long", then that it would take a month to hear anything from them. So three days wasn't really surprising, but I really just wish that they'd get their facts straight before they opened their mouths. Ever. Seeing as how I got the email on Monday morning, there's a good chance they had made a decision by Friday which is only one day. Doesn't really fit together, but that's the theme here anyway.


I opened it and cringed. Here it was. Right there in front of me was an attachment titled "Acceptance letter." My stomach dropped and quite honestly, I cried. I was overwhelmed and still not emotionally stable from three days prior. I opened it up and read it. Great news..... wish I could be happy.


And that's why I sat on this information for so long. I was actually accepted mid-April, but it took me a solid week to tell anyone (including my parents) and I've slowly started telling people here and there when they ask. No big announcement because it's taken me this long to be okay with it.

I know that sounds plain crazy.

But I thought about it, cried on it, talked to people, and prayed for clarity. At the end of the day, this is exactly what I wanted when I started 3 semesters ago. I couldn't wait for the day I was accepted... it was going to be the best day ever! And I had made promises to my family who graciously took me in as their basement dweller, so I couldn't even consider veering from the plan. Fear had taken over and kept me from being excited about the exact thing I had worked so hard for. Don't get me wrong-- I'm still very scared of what happens next. I don't know how the work thing will go, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to afford to live for the next 2 years. But I'll do my best nonetheless.


So.... I'M IN! Now to enjoy what summer I have (aside from the one class I have to take) and prepare for the bumpy ride ahead. I just have to remember what's on the other side.