I may be totally MIA for a lot of weeks this semester.
I really didn't think I'd have this much studying to do in my Anatomy class because I've had it all before. But come to find out, I only had some of it and the rest of it is terrifying.
Also, the tests are brutal.
So I sit for hours and days at a time memorizing dumb stuff that will not translate into my future job.
Just playing their money game.
I can't begin to describe to you how terrified I am that I won't make it to the program. We went over this before: I usually don't get my way when it comes to my life desires and plans. Why would this be any different? If I don't make it next year, I'll have to wait an ENTIRE YEAR to apply again... and what in the world will I do with my time then?! Life is ticking away, and I'm sitting in a basement.
I clearly have some anxieties here, and for good reason. People are dropping like flies from my classes, which makes me super nervous. I don't want to be next.
In other news, I had my first math test today (finally in intermediate algebra) and got 100% on it. So that's good.. but still doesn't really count since I have to pass college algebra with a certain grade.
There's just too much at stake. I feel like I'm up against too much.
What was I thinking?!
Proceed with caution
So I'm in the middle of a massage yesterday and it hits me-- I'm crazy.
See, this is what happens when you have 60 minutes of silence. You're supposed to stay out of your head and be present with the client... blah, blah. Let's be real: You can't help but think.
About a month ago my mom asked me, without skipping a beat, what I'd do if I didn't get accepted into the program. It was as if she had no faith in me. The more upset I got, the more she'd word vomit and worsen the situation. It was terrible. I had to raise my voice before she'd be quiet. I had to show her just how upset I was before she knew she had messed up. You don't SAY THAT to someone in my situation!!
I mean, yeah, it's a possibility. Do I have a plan B? Nope. I told her the same thing: I don't have a backup plan, this plan HAS to work! I feel like I was led to this point... and hopefully it wasn't to be disappointed again. So I don't know what the answer is... if I mess up and don't get a required grade, or if I go through the grueling application process only to be denied. I don't know. But I don't want to think about it either. I don't have the time or resources to formulate a plan B.
But then my rational side takes over and the reality sets in: I may not be accepted. After all, every SINGLE plan I've ever made has failed. Everything I've grasped for has been swatted away from me... over and over. Original school plans, plans for life, wants, dreams... things that can't possibly fail. All have failed. I can't imagine what will happen if this falls through too. I mean, SOMETHING has to work out for me eventually, right?
Even if I didn't get accepted next year, there's always the year after that... right? NO!! Because then I will be wasting a whole year of my life... doing God knows what... waiting on another chance to apply. Living in a basement. With absolutely no light at the end of my tunnel. That would be the end of me, that's for sure.
So I've decided I'm just crazy. I don't have "luck" like other people have luck. Things don't just "fall into place" for people like me. What was I thinking?!
See, this is what happens when you have 60 minutes of silence. You're supposed to stay out of your head and be present with the client... blah, blah. Let's be real: You can't help but think.
About a month ago my mom asked me, without skipping a beat, what I'd do if I didn't get accepted into the program. It was as if she had no faith in me. The more upset I got, the more she'd word vomit and worsen the situation. It was terrible. I had to raise my voice before she'd be quiet. I had to show her just how upset I was before she knew she had messed up. You don't SAY THAT to someone in my situation!!
I mean, yeah, it's a possibility. Do I have a plan B? Nope. I told her the same thing: I don't have a backup plan, this plan HAS to work! I feel like I was led to this point... and hopefully it wasn't to be disappointed again. So I don't know what the answer is... if I mess up and don't get a required grade, or if I go through the grueling application process only to be denied. I don't know. But I don't want to think about it either. I don't have the time or resources to formulate a plan B.
But then my rational side takes over and the reality sets in: I may not be accepted. After all, every SINGLE plan I've ever made has failed. Everything I've grasped for has been swatted away from me... over and over. Original school plans, plans for life, wants, dreams... things that can't possibly fail. All have failed. I can't imagine what will happen if this falls through too. I mean, SOMETHING has to work out for me eventually, right?
Even if I didn't get accepted next year, there's always the year after that... right? NO!! Because then I will be wasting a whole year of my life... doing God knows what... waiting on another chance to apply. Living in a basement. With absolutely no light at the end of my tunnel. That would be the end of me, that's for sure.
So I've decided I'm just crazy. I don't have "luck" like other people have luck. Things don't just "fall into place" for people like me. What was I thinking?!
The reality of things...
Disclaimer: This is about as real as it gets. If you're looking for fluff and humor, this probably isn't a read for you. Also, if you have a problem with me being REAL (and consider it negativity) you'd probably better move along.
Now.
*sigh*
I've had a bunch of smaller thoughts lately that are all related to one thing: the big picture. Some of you will relate, and the few who don't are a bunch of lucky bastards who have no idea what it means to be lost in your own life. We'll start when I was a kid:
If you had asked 10 year old Jana what she wanted to be when she grew up, she'd tell you that she wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or maybe a nurse. If you had asked what her life would look like, she quickly would've responded with, "I'll be married with some kids and live in a house and fix dinner every night for everyone."
I'm going to say something right now that I've only admitted to a few people in my life...
Fast forward to my freshman year of high school, and I'd tell you I had decided on a new career: court reporting! Just like most girls in the Midwest, I wanted to be married by a young(er) age, get settled in my career, and start living my life. No later than 20, of course.
By my senior year of high school, my dream of the court reporting thing had been ripped from me but I still had my boyfriend! Yep... I was going to be okay anyway. We never really talked about marriage specifically, but I feel like we were both on the same page about it: Get through school so we can start our lives. That's how I envisioned it, at least. I was a little more realistic by this time and figured 21 would be a better age to get married. (WHY are we so obsessed with this as girls? Good grief.)
(Side note: I feel like I talk about this guy a lot. He was only in my life for a couple years but they were those crucial years... the ones that stick out in my mind the most. I'm not obsessed over him or the past, but it was a happier time in my life. Bear with me here.)
We all know how this story goes: went to college (for nothing), ended up single, worked some dead-end jobs, went back to school (massage), worked my ass off 60+ hours a week just to get by, *fast forward* Living in a basement.
The points I'm trying to make here are:
*Not everyone who earns a scholarship or finds a way to fund higher education gets it right the first time. In my case, I didn't know what to do with my free 2 years, so I'm pretty sure anything would've been the wrong path. And not everyone's family is able to give them the education they want. I worked full time the whole time I was in college getting the wrong degree just to pay for my car, insurance, phone, etc. Some people thought it was extreme that I lived at home as long as I did, but SHIT Y'ALL... I was doing the best I could. And my parents knew that.
*Not everyone gets to find the perfect mate and marry them when they're young. I used to play the "If I met someone today, I'd be ___ by the time I got married" game. Giving myself a year to date them, and another year to be engaged (Let's face it-- I plan on going overboard for a wedding). I set goals for myself from a young age on... 20, 21, 25... 28... SURELY I'll be married by 30!! Wrong. And this is the one that probably hurts the most. I can't believe I'm single (not married) at the age I am. Why exactly am I in this situation? The only answer I can come up with is that I'm not willing to get married to the wrong person for the sake of marriage. I don't even know how people do that. It's weird. I'd rather be single and responsible for myself that in a huge mess involving someone else and possibly kids. If you are a person who met the RIGHT person at a young age and get to spend quality years with them, consider yourself very lucky. I've always been jealous of those people. It's becoming pretty apparent that I won't get a chance at a 50th wedding anniversary, which makes me sad and discouraged.
*Not everyone falls into their ideal job right out of high school/college. Men especially have it too easy. If they don't want to get a college education, they don't have to... and they will make MORE than I've ever made in a year. Good for them... but how unfair! I wouldn't be in this mess if I had a penis, plain and simple. I'd be working some manual labor job making a minimum of 40k a year and life would be grand.
...ok fine, I can't say that for sure. But it seems to work that way for a lot of them. For the kids that go to school and pick the right major the first time, props to you too. Maybe you had some extra guidance, or maybe you were just drawn to something and stuck with it. Again, I am jealous because I've floundered through life for years because of this one issue.
*If you're lucky enough to have the life you envisioned, then you're DAMN LUCKY! I didn't get that... not even close. And I am sad about it everyday. This wasn't the plan, and it definitely wasn't the order I wanted things to go in. I feel like my family is disappointed in me and the world thinks there's something wrong with me. I really don't feel like I was asking for a lot when I wanted a steady job I could stand and a family, whether that be a husband or kids included. And yes, I realize I'm not dead yet but time is ticking away.
They say that everything happens for a reason, in its own time. I don't always agree with that. Yes, I'm sure there's some logic behind all of this, but it's been a long, hard struggle and it doesn't even really make sense. Wanting realistic, normal things for your life isn't uncommon. I'm not weird for feeling this way.
The flip side of all of this is that some people have all that and still aren't happy. Maybe I'm going through all of this so that when it all falls into place, I'll have a better appreciation of it. Who knows.
Now.
*sigh*
I've had a bunch of smaller thoughts lately that are all related to one thing: the big picture. Some of you will relate, and the few who don't are a bunch of lucky bastards who have no idea what it means to be lost in your own life. We'll start when I was a kid:
If you had asked 10 year old Jana what she wanted to be when she grew up, she'd tell you that she wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or maybe a nurse. If you had asked what her life would look like, she quickly would've responded with, "I'll be married with some kids and live in a house and fix dinner every night for everyone."
I'm going to say something right now that I've only admitted to a few people in my life...
All I've really ever wanted to be is HAPPILY MARRIED.
After all, it's what I saw everyday. My parents are still together after 34 years of marriage, and while it hasn't been perfect (what marriage is?) they have set an example for me since I was young. It's how I thought things were supposed to be, and over time it was something I really wanted for myself.Fast forward to my freshman year of high school, and I'd tell you I had decided on a new career: court reporting! Just like most girls in the Midwest, I wanted to be married by a young(er) age, get settled in my career, and start living my life. No later than 20, of course.
By my senior year of high school, my dream of the court reporting thing had been ripped from me but I still had my boyfriend! Yep... I was going to be okay anyway. We never really talked about marriage specifically, but I feel like we were both on the same page about it: Get through school so we can start our lives. That's how I envisioned it, at least. I was a little more realistic by this time and figured 21 would be a better age to get married. (WHY are we so obsessed with this as girls? Good grief.)
(Side note: I feel like I talk about this guy a lot. He was only in my life for a couple years but they were those crucial years... the ones that stick out in my mind the most. I'm not obsessed over him or the past, but it was a happier time in my life. Bear with me here.)
We all know how this story goes: went to college (for nothing), ended up single, worked some dead-end jobs, went back to school (massage), worked my ass off 60+ hours a week just to get by, *fast forward* Living in a basement.
The points I'm trying to make here are:
*Not everyone who earns a scholarship or finds a way to fund higher education gets it right the first time. In my case, I didn't know what to do with my free 2 years, so I'm pretty sure anything would've been the wrong path. And not everyone's family is able to give them the education they want. I worked full time the whole time I was in college getting the wrong degree just to pay for my car, insurance, phone, etc. Some people thought it was extreme that I lived at home as long as I did, but SHIT Y'ALL... I was doing the best I could. And my parents knew that.
*Not everyone gets to find the perfect mate and marry them when they're young. I used to play the "If I met someone today, I'd be ___ by the time I got married" game. Giving myself a year to date them, and another year to be engaged (Let's face it-- I plan on going overboard for a wedding). I set goals for myself from a young age on... 20, 21, 25... 28... SURELY I'll be married by 30!! Wrong. And this is the one that probably hurts the most. I can't believe I'm single (not married) at the age I am. Why exactly am I in this situation? The only answer I can come up with is that I'm not willing to get married to the wrong person for the sake of marriage. I don't even know how people do that. It's weird. I'd rather be single and responsible for myself that in a huge mess involving someone else and possibly kids. If you are a person who met the RIGHT person at a young age and get to spend quality years with them, consider yourself very lucky. I've always been jealous of those people. It's becoming pretty apparent that I won't get a chance at a 50th wedding anniversary, which makes me sad and discouraged.
*Not everyone falls into their ideal job right out of high school/college. Men especially have it too easy. If they don't want to get a college education, they don't have to... and they will make MORE than I've ever made in a year. Good for them... but how unfair! I wouldn't be in this mess if I had a penis, plain and simple. I'd be working some manual labor job making a minimum of 40k a year and life would be grand.
...ok fine, I can't say that for sure. But it seems to work that way for a lot of them. For the kids that go to school and pick the right major the first time, props to you too. Maybe you had some extra guidance, or maybe you were just drawn to something and stuck with it. Again, I am jealous because I've floundered through life for years because of this one issue.
*If you're lucky enough to have the life you envisioned, then you're DAMN LUCKY! I didn't get that... not even close. And I am sad about it everyday. This wasn't the plan, and it definitely wasn't the order I wanted things to go in. I feel like my family is disappointed in me and the world thinks there's something wrong with me. I really don't feel like I was asking for a lot when I wanted a steady job I could stand and a family, whether that be a husband or kids included. And yes, I realize I'm not dead yet but time is ticking away.
They say that everything happens for a reason, in its own time. I don't always agree with that. Yes, I'm sure there's some logic behind all of this, but it's been a long, hard struggle and it doesn't even really make sense. Wanting realistic, normal things for your life isn't uncommon. I'm not weird for feeling this way.
The flip side of all of this is that some people have all that and still aren't happy. Maybe I'm going through all of this so that when it all falls into place, I'll have a better appreciation of it. Who knows.
Semester 2
Let's get one thing straight here: I am not a quitter.
In fact, I'm very hard on myself when I'm forced to give up on something I had originally planned on following through with. Like, brutal. Because I'm one of those people who likes to DO what they SAY... and I feel like a letdown to myself and everyone else when I have to go back on my word.
When I signed up for classes for this semester, I knew that I'd have a heavy schedule. Eleven credit hours on top of 30+ hours of work is hard, especially when you have an Anatomy class that will demand a lot of homework. But I was prepared... and I knew I'd figure it out like I always do. So on the first day, I went to that Anatomy class and realized it wasn't *exactly* what I was expecting... but that's okay, because it was close. However, the syllabus says 18-25 hours of work outside of class... and even if I figure that I'll be on the low end of that (I've had some of this before), that's still a part time job!
Ok, fine. Manageable. Later that afternoon was my Technical Science class, which is an equivalent to Physics that is yet another requirement to apply for this program.
If you're a gut-listener like myself, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that I had a very sick feeling when I walked in. Aside from the smell of dirty boy (the class before was all male, and this class was male, minus the 3 females that sat together), it was just bad energy. I had looked through the book and was seriously intimidated by it, but I knew that having a teacher for it would help a lot. I tried to ignore the overwhelming urge to barf everywhere as she walked in.
Wait. First let me explain that I took this class this semester because the math requirements were low enough that I'd be able to follow along. I didn't want to take it at the same time as college algebra (next semester) and I needed to be done by next semester.
Alright. We're caught up.
The teacher came in and immediately rubbed me the wrong way. She didn't speak a lot, and she really didn't act interested to be there. Some of the first words out of her mouth were, "If you haven't had Trig, you'll struggle in this class." UHHHHH.... excuse me?!? That's not what I was told!!
Frick.
Her teaching method was very passive. *scribble scribble, point to board* "Right?"
*scribble scribble* "You get that?"
There was no TEACHING involved. She even said that the book WASN'T a text book, but a reference book. Alright then, how in the hell am I supposed to learn this if you won't teach it? It was, perhaps, the longest 2 hours of my week. As soon as the class was dismissed, I went straight to the director of the program in desperation. I knew this wasn't going to work for me.... it was going to be above my head, and even if I tried to hold on something else was going to suffer.
So long story short, after a long-awaited email from an advisor who told me that this class would be offered in the summer, I dropped it. I'll have to take it next summer after I've had the college algebra and just hope that the teacher is different. I figure if it's the ONLY class I have to focus on I've got a better shot at passing it with the required grade than this semester.
So now I'm down to 2 classes and 7 credit hours. But ya know what? I feel a lot better. Anatomy takes up so much of my time as it is... I just know I would've failed the other class. This was for the best.
The only thing that stinks is waking up for an 8:00 Algebra class on T/Th. Bleh. Trying to keep my head in the game, though!
In fact, I'm very hard on myself when I'm forced to give up on something I had originally planned on following through with. Like, brutal. Because I'm one of those people who likes to DO what they SAY... and I feel like a letdown to myself and everyone else when I have to go back on my word.
When I signed up for classes for this semester, I knew that I'd have a heavy schedule. Eleven credit hours on top of 30+ hours of work is hard, especially when you have an Anatomy class that will demand a lot of homework. But I was prepared... and I knew I'd figure it out like I always do. So on the first day, I went to that Anatomy class and realized it wasn't *exactly* what I was expecting... but that's okay, because it was close. However, the syllabus says 18-25 hours of work outside of class... and even if I figure that I'll be on the low end of that (I've had some of this before), that's still a part time job!
Ok, fine. Manageable. Later that afternoon was my Technical Science class, which is an equivalent to Physics that is yet another requirement to apply for this program.
If you're a gut-listener like myself, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that I had a very sick feeling when I walked in. Aside from the smell of dirty boy (the class before was all male, and this class was male, minus the 3 females that sat together), it was just bad energy. I had looked through the book and was seriously intimidated by it, but I knew that having a teacher for it would help a lot. I tried to ignore the overwhelming urge to barf everywhere as she walked in.
Wait. First let me explain that I took this class this semester because the math requirements were low enough that I'd be able to follow along. I didn't want to take it at the same time as college algebra (next semester) and I needed to be done by next semester.
Alright. We're caught up.
The teacher came in and immediately rubbed me the wrong way. She didn't speak a lot, and she really didn't act interested to be there. Some of the first words out of her mouth were, "If you haven't had Trig, you'll struggle in this class." UHHHHH.... excuse me?!? That's not what I was told!!
Frick.
Her teaching method was very passive. *scribble scribble, point to board* "Right?"
*scribble scribble* "You get that?"
There was no TEACHING involved. She even said that the book WASN'T a text book, but a reference book. Alright then, how in the hell am I supposed to learn this if you won't teach it? It was, perhaps, the longest 2 hours of my week. As soon as the class was dismissed, I went straight to the director of the program in desperation. I knew this wasn't going to work for me.... it was going to be above my head, and even if I tried to hold on something else was going to suffer.
So long story short, after a long-awaited email from an advisor who told me that this class would be offered in the summer, I dropped it. I'll have to take it next summer after I've had the college algebra and just hope that the teacher is different. I figure if it's the ONLY class I have to focus on I've got a better shot at passing it with the required grade than this semester.
So now I'm down to 2 classes and 7 credit hours. But ya know what? I feel a lot better. Anatomy takes up so much of my time as it is... I just know I would've failed the other class. This was for the best.
The only thing that stinks is waking up for an 8:00 Algebra class on T/Th. Bleh. Trying to keep my head in the game, though!
Summer's over...
Welp.
Back at it tomorrow.
The second semester full of prerequisite BS with specific grade requirements starts in the morning, 10:00 sharp.
I really haven't had the *best* summer. I worked a lot, and I was grumpy a lot. I vowed that I would never work 5 days at the spa again, even if it meant that I had to get a second job doing whatever for extra money. Basically, my entire summer was spent wishing for the next day off... and when that came, it went quickly because I was busy accomplishing things. I guess that's what most adults do, though.
So at the beginning of the month, I realized I had 18 days left of freedom and decided it was best if I just live willy nilly until school started. Because of that, the house hasn't been deep cleaned, laundry is kinda stacked everywhere, and my to-do list is painfully long. But I don't care. I needed that time.
I was really fine til I was getting my school things together today. I got some new supplies and figured it was a good time to organize my books. I took one look at my physics book, and I was instantly nauseated. I'm still sick. I'm TERRIFIED of that class... and when you add the 2 others I have, I'm basically green-gilled. I haven't felt well all night.
I don't have a ton of support surrounding me-- my mom might mean well, but what she says comes out in a very "I have minimal faith in you" way. The boyf doesn't know what to say, mainly because he's never been there. "You'll be fine" is what I get, but he doesn't know that. It's just to shut me up. And my best friend, who I would normally vent to, is in basic training and completely unattainable. So yeah... just me and my thoughts here.
But all I can do is try! Anatomy and lab followed by physics tomorrow, then intermediate algebra the next day. Repeat Wednesday. Here goes nothing.
Back at it tomorrow.
The second semester full of prerequisite BS with specific grade requirements starts in the morning, 10:00 sharp.
I really haven't had the *best* summer. I worked a lot, and I was grumpy a lot. I vowed that I would never work 5 days at the spa again, even if it meant that I had to get a second job doing whatever for extra money. Basically, my entire summer was spent wishing for the next day off... and when that came, it went quickly because I was busy accomplishing things. I guess that's what most adults do, though.
So at the beginning of the month, I realized I had 18 days left of freedom and decided it was best if I just live willy nilly until school started. Because of that, the house hasn't been deep cleaned, laundry is kinda stacked everywhere, and my to-do list is painfully long. But I don't care. I needed that time.
I was really fine til I was getting my school things together today. I got some new supplies and figured it was a good time to organize my books. I took one look at my physics book, and I was instantly nauseated. I'm still sick. I'm TERRIFIED of that class... and when you add the 2 others I have, I'm basically green-gilled. I haven't felt well all night.
I don't have a ton of support surrounding me-- my mom might mean well, but what she says comes out in a very "I have minimal faith in you" way. The boyf doesn't know what to say, mainly because he's never been there. "You'll be fine" is what I get, but he doesn't know that. It's just to shut me up. And my best friend, who I would normally vent to, is in basic training and completely unattainable. So yeah... just me and my thoughts here.
But all I can do is try! Anatomy and lab followed by physics tomorrow, then intermediate algebra the next day. Repeat Wednesday. Here goes nothing.
See ya later...
I'm really sad tonight. I've been sad all day, actually.
I went to see a friend yesterday because she is leaving for the military... tomorrow.
I don't hand out the "best friend" title often because it usually results in disappointment and heartbreak. But this girl is pretty close. We're those people who don't have to live in the same town, or even talk everyday, but we can always pick up where we left off and we know more about each other than we probably should.
So I managed to get off work early yesterday and drove to Blue Springs where she lives. Her workplace had organized a going away party for her-- they're a really cool group of people. (She works in a vet clinic... usually animal people are the best kind of people anyway.) Some of us went to dinner beforehand, then everyone met up at this place called Sideline. SUCH a cool place-- 8 volleyball courts that you can rent out, complete with picnic tables and a concession stand. Simple concept, but really... I'm totally jealous we don't have something like that here in town.
The party ended at 11, so I had planned to stay with her. Woke up this morning and helped her pack away some things that needed to be stored while she was gone. I feel like I'm quite the pro at packing these days! I left a little before 1, assuming she had a lot to do today and didn't need me in her hair.
I gave her a hug and said I'd write when I could. That's the kicker-- we won't have her address til a couple weeks in. It's not like I can just drop her a text knowing that she'll get it and that I'll get a response. She will be unattainable for at least 2 weeks, and after that communication is by letter only. That's going to be hard. It just sucks when you feel like a big piece of your support system is gone, I guess.
Life is so ironic sometimes. She decided to do this at the same time I decided to go back to school. We're both doing these things because no matter how hard we worked, it just wasn't enough. We're both single and don't know if that'll ever change. She loves her job but needs a steady supplement. I had no idea what I wanted to do "when I grew up" and decided I had no other choice but to get more education. It just goes to show that life requires change, even when we're not totally comfortable with it, because we know that the outcome of it will be worth it. And seriously, this girl is fearless... she's lived about everywhere, and it never seems to bother her to pack up and move somewhere else. I know she will be fine, even in boot camp, because she's a strong person.
She won't be back for 7 months... I'm sure the time will fly, but that sounds like a long time right now. I'll sure miss our phone dates! Be safe, Amanda. See ya later!
The world keeps getting smaller.
We've got quite a few new employees working at the spa as of this summer. We tend to have surges of people leaving and new hires. And in all my years working there, I get a little worn out trying to get to know everyone only to have them leave. Being the Welcome Wagon just isn't for me anymore...
...that makes me sound really cranky. AT ANY RATE, there's a point to this.
One of the new nail techs/cosmetologists came up to me one day in the hallway. Said she had a question for me. I figured it had something to do with locating an item, or what to do with a client... blah, blah. I don't mind helping; I just know what to expect. She looked at me and smiled and said it sounded a little "stalker-ish", but wanted to know if I had lived at ### Dundee.
Why yes.... yes I did. Just a couple months ago, actually.
I looked at her a little shocked. She told me that SHE lived there now!!! She went to the water department, and the lady has a list of people that lived at the address before you... you probably aren't supposed to look at it, but everyone does. We all want to know who lived in the place we are now living in. And she saw my name!
I kind of felt like a jerk because I had never taken the time to get to know her. We talked, but just here and there. But she still knew who I was, and more importantly, wanted to share that she was living in my old apartment. And I was thrilled that it was someone I knew. This time in my life is quite an adjustment, and knowing someone who lives in my old place gives me a distant connection to it... it makes me feel content. You always wonder who will end up there after you, and if they'll treat it well. That was my HOME for 5 years... and now I know it has been handed down to a very sweet, deserving girl (and her boyfriend).
We would spend the next couple of days chatting when we could (matching up two schedules in that place is nearly impossible). She would ask me about little quirks, and I would tell her everything about the neighbor, his "help", and how she needed to keep the screen door locked at all times (he tends to let himself in). I asked about what the landlord had done since I left... man, I missed out! New shower unit, fixed the shelving underneath the sinks, shampooed the carpets. Anyway, it was nice to talk to her... share with her my little helpful hints and hear about her experiences. She's only been there for a couple weeks, so I'm sure I'll get to hear more.
And I like that. It'll be nice when she does. :)
